The other day, I pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot to find a rare “first spot” place to park. Of course, “first spot” means that it was the first place past all of the handicap parking. I’ve got nothing against having spaces set aside for those who are physically incapable; in fact, I’d say it’s a rather considerate thing for a business to do.

Before I could get out of my car, a man and his wife parked in the handicap space next to me. I saw their handicap parking permit hanging from their rear view mirror. I specifically looked for it because I get really upset whenever physically capable people intrude on the handicap spots.

Not thinking much about what I had seen, I started to get out of my car, but I had to wait. The woman in the car next to me was trying to pry herself from the confines of her Chevy’s passenger seat. I watched, suddenly becoming curious what this lady’s handicap really was. Her husband, of similar width, joined hands with her, and they walked into the store.

There was no wheel chair. There was no walker. There was no cane. There wasn’t even a limp! Then I realized their handicap: they’re fat. I’ve got news for you folks, obesity is not a handicap. And, yes, as someone formerly of that same problem, I can speak as an authority on this issue. Diet and excersize won’t make a paralyzed man able to walk again, but it sure will solve the handicap of obesity.

These folks who are so fat that the government deems them to be handicapped don’t need to be parking in the spots up close to the stores. They do, however, need their own reseved spots. I say that we reserve them the spots as far away from the building as possible and mark them by painting a hamburger on the asphalt.

When your only handicap is that you don’t know how to shut your face and get on a treadmill, you deserve a nice sweaty waddle through the Wal-Mart parking lot in the steamy July heat. Save the handicap spots for the people who are actually handicapped.