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Tonight for Halloween my daughter’s school did a “Heroes Unmasked” night. Knowing that the night was about heroes, I went as Don Mattingly. I had the best costume, by far. The other heroes there were all Bible characters. There was a carnival type of event setup in the gym with booths that had little games for the kids to play. They had puppet shows and a magic show as well.

I’m glad we went tonight, mostly because the alternative would have been dragging the kids through the neighborhood begging for candy. I don’t really like doing that because it’s my belief that if you teach them to beg for food and expect handouts when they’re young, then when they are older, they’ll be sitting on their lazy tails collecting my tax dollars. And I say that with a minimum amount of sarcasm.

My dad always did it the American way. He bribed us. Dinner and cash. We spent many Halloweens eating at Ryan’s (don’t laugh, it was the best choice back then), shopping for candy at the drug store next to Ryan’s, and then going to hang out with my grandparents at their house. The hanging out with my grandparents was so that my parents could avoid the little beggars that came to our house.

I’m sure I’ll be glad when the day comes that my kids are happy to go somewhere to eat and understand the value of a good cash bribe, but for now, I’m thrilled seeing them dress up and play carnival games to get candy.

Now it’s time for me to go teach them about taxation. The way I figure it, about 30% of that candy is mine.