My last post, which provided a sneak peek at the new Diet Mt. Ron label prototypes, brought up several questions about this amazing new product. Instead of answering them in the comments of that post, I decided to put the answers here in their own post.

Tanya asks: Does that mean they’re sucking out your blood to make pop?
No. My awesomeness goes into the drink, not my blood. Putting blood in it would change the color to something other than the natural “awesome green” color. Though I suppose if we used some blood, we could do a “Code Red” type of product…

Allison asks: You do know that Gaines already patented this under his name, right?
Um, Diet Mt. Gaines? That would never work. May I suggest Diet Dr. Gaines instead? Dr. Pepper has needed an improvement for some time now…

Ethan asks: How do they extract that “little bit of extra awesomeness” from you to add to the new premier beverage of the diet soft drink world? Plasma transfusion? Colonic irrigation? Used kleenexes from your trash?
We tried plasma transfusion, but I don’t do needles. Colonic irrigation (which is even less pleasant than it sounds) worked, but I’m not willing to do that on a regular basis. Used Kleenexes from my trash give you much less awesomeness than you would ever imagine.

Ethan asks: When the awesomeness leaves you and heads for the bottling plant, do you get weaker?
If we did an invasive process, I would be less awesome for a short period of time. However, we use a process Sarah and I developed called A.W.E.S.O.M.E. (Automatic Wireless Extraction System to Obtain My Effervescence) that allows us to collect the awesomeness as it emanates from me. It’s pretty complex stuff…I’ll post more about A.W.E.S.O.M.E. later.

Ethan asks: How long does it take to come back up to full awesomeness?
We don’t harvest extra awesomeness from me, so my awesomometer is always full.

Ethan asks: Do you have special dietary requirements to keep your awesomeness levels up during a bottling cycle?
We have found that certain foods do help boost my awesome levels. For example, when my diet is high in pizza, we are able to increase production by nearly 20%. Mexican food, candy bars (specifically Butterfinger), ice cream, and BBQ pork are also among the foods that positively impact awesomeness collection levels.

Thanks for the great questions!